Letting Go of Who You’re Not: A Path Back to Yourself
Imagine walking up a mountain path. It’s the path you’ve chosen, one you are happy to be on. The views are beautiful, the air feels clean, and deep down you know this is where you want to go.
But there’s a problem. On your back is a heavy backpack. At first, you don’t notice the weight, but as you climb higher, it slows you down. You take it off, open it up, and realise that much of what’s inside doesn’t even belong to you. Expectations from family. Beliefs from school. Labels from society. Opinions from colleagues and friends.
The path is yours, but the baggage is not.
This is what it feels like to live with identities that don’t belong to you. And the work of letting go is about emptying that backpack, keeping what’s truly yours, and setting down what isn’t.
Why We Take On Identities That Aren’t Ours
From the moment we’re born, we start absorbing the world around us. Family tells us who we are meant to be. School tells us how we should behave. Work tells us what success looks like. Society hands us a long list of rules and labels.
At first, we don’t even realise we’ve taken them on. We adapt because it helps us fit in, it keeps us safe, and sometimes it wins us approval. But over time, adaptation can become confusion. We start mistaking those roles and labels for who we really are.
This is where identity work comes in. It helps us see what is truly ours and what has been layered on. And this is where change guidance matters too — because seeing the difference is one thing, but stepping away from what’s false takes courage and support.
The Cost of Holding On
Holding on to identities that aren’t ours comes at a price.
Emotionally, we feel disconnected. Burnout, resentment, or emptiness creep in because we are living out of alignment with ourselves.
Physically, the stress shows up in our bodies — tension, exhaustion, even illness.
Spiritually, we feel a loss of purpose. We wonder, “Is this really all there is?”
I remember a time when I was carrying too much that wasn’t mine. Running the family business looked successful on the outside, but on the inside I was drifting further from myself. The weight of expectation was crushing, and no matter how well things were going, it didn’t feel like my life.
This is what happens when we hold on too tightly to who we’re not.
What Letting Go Really Means
Letting go of false identities doesn’t mean throwing everything away or rejecting everything you’ve done. It’s about discernment. It’s about asking: “Does this truly belong to me?”
Think of it like pruning a tree. You don’t cut the whole tree down — you remove what’s dead or unnecessary so the living parts can thrive. Or like decluttering a house. You don’t get rid of everything, but you create space for what really matters.
The same is true for identity. When you release what isn’t yours, you don’t lose yourself. You find yourself. You uncover the essence that has always been there, buried beneath layers that no longer serve you.
This is the heart of identity coaching and change guidance — creating the space to shed what isn’t you so that what is you can breathe again.
How to Start Letting Go of Who You’re Not
If you’re ready to lighten your load, here are some ways to begin:
1. Awareness
Notice where your choices are for others, not yourself. Ask: “Am I doing this because I want to, or because I think I should?”
2. Reflection
Journal on this prompt: “What labels or expectations am I still carrying that no longer fit me?”
3. Small changes
Start gently. Say no to something you don’t want to do. Reclaim a little time for yourself. Experiment with new ways of being.
4. Support
This is not easy work to do alone. Identity coaching and change guidance create a safe, structured space where you can explore, release, and rebuild without fear.
Returning to Who You Are
Letting go of who you’re not is not about becoming someone new. It’s about returning to who you always were. It’s about setting down the heavy backpack, taking a breath, and walking your path with lightness again.
Identity work helps you see yourself clearly. Change guidance helps you step into that new reality. Together, they make the journey back to yourself not only possible, but transformative.
If you are feeling weighed down by roles, labels, or expectations that don’t belong to you, this is your invitation. It’s time to let go of who you’re not, and step fully into who you are.
You will find me in the grove.
